Musings on Responsibility: Venus rx in Capricorn

In astrology, there’s a well-known phrase that states that the stars do not determine the conditions of earth, but they do reflect them. I find it incredibly appropriate that Venus is retrograde in Capricorn as winter begins, when so much of life is forced to slow or cease or be tucked away into hiding until spring. My life has been marked by many periods of hiding, and a lot of letting fear make decisions for me. I’m not proud of it, but I also choose not to blame or shame myself for the mindsets that kept me alive and (feeling) safe. Venus in Capricorn being my chart ruler and retrograding in my 4th house is very much a call inward, which is also appropriate for winter. Besides the obvious ways this is true, I do feel very much like this is a hibernation that immediately predates a glorious transformation. As long as I am intentional about it, which Venus in Capricorn appreciates, there will be a deep revision that occurs instead of simply being a period of hiding.

The other night, I had a dream that was different from my usual dreams. Usually, in dream space, I struggle to vocalize. I can speak, but it comes out incredibly strained, and sometimes I can manage to scream at someone or something but that also doesn’t last long before it’s like my voice is cut off. This dream was different because I finally let loose, vocally. I called a friend whom I haven’t seen in a while and just broke down to her, telling her things like “I don’t feel like a human anymore, I don’t do things, I don’t go anywhere, I don’t enjoy anything, I’m just a shell”  and “I have been crying every single day for weeks now, every single day.” All of these things are true about my waking life and I was in a very difficult mental space the night before I had this dream. However, there was something about just being able to vocalize my feelings with the same passion I feel them, and not have my voice be strained or muffled. It felt, in other words, like a breakthrough. I woke up feeling different. Lighter, maybe, but also like my soul had limbered up. I felt more internal emotional mobility, if you will. Something had been stuck and was knocked loose by the intense expression of anguish I let loose in my dream world.

Of course, nothing gets solved overnight, and there’s still a lot of deep reflection and hibernation that will need to occur as we delve into the depths of winter, of stillness, and of ourselves. Since Venus is in the depths of the sky in my chart, conjunct my IC, and is also my chart ruler, traversing the depths of myself and my roots are the main topic. It makes perfect sense to me that much of my internal shifting is occurring at night when I’m alone, or in my dreams. To be honest, it’s been difficult to face myself lately because I know there are values I hold that I’m not living, or even striving to live. I’m asking myself which routines & habits I’ve unconsciously formed and how (if at all) they are leading me in the direction of my values (hint: most unconscious habits are not). Wherever Venus lies in your chart, there’s an opportunity to slow down or even cease all movement and do an internal inventory. There’s been more than enough happening in the world to cause everyone to re-examine their beliefs and value systems and ask ourselves what is truly important to us, not just what we’ve been striving towards because we were told it was important. It’s been a while since Venus moved backwards in this particular sign, and now more than ever there is an onus on those of us who wish to build a better world than the one we were given. Large-scale responsibility like that, however, begins with small-scale responsibility. We must take stock of what we have been valuing, what we’ve been prioritizing, where our energy and focus has been directed and ask is this still working for the greater good, or could this use some amending? Priorities naturally shift over time, and occasionally that means they need course correction. Venus’s gentle nudge while she visits the land of the sea-goat is to take yourself more seriously, if only for a moment, in order to put your priorities in perspective. She asks this of us sweetly and compassionately, because she knows it’s not as simple or as straightforward as it ever sounds, but it is absolutely necessary work if we want to have any agency over what our world is becoming. What she asks us to release is regret, shame, and guilt about the ways we have let our own values down, or allowed opportunities for expansion to slip from our grasp. There is no harshness in this request, but it is not one that can be denied, either. If you can gently hold yourself in a place of both responsibility and compassion, it will make this retrograde re-evaluation process even more rewarding, and, hopefully, clear the proper path for you to begin to (or continue to) walk in your values.