Saturn Returns & Your Inner Storyteller
(this piece was originally posted October 15th, 2021.)
Recently, on Twitter, I was musing to myself (and roughly two thousand other people) about the nature of Saturn returns. While every person experiences many planetary returns throughout their life, the Saturn return is the one most frequently referenced and discussed. This has been spurred on particularly by Adele’s comments on her own Saturn return experience as she discusses her new album. But there’s always the question of what it means when Saturn comes home roughly every 28 to 31 years.
Often I hear this transit described as a trial of sorts, where you reap the consequences of every decision you’ve made in the first three decades of your life. To me, that is a bit terrifying and a little intense, especially if you are someone who made decisions you regret earlier in life and have done an immense amount of work to grow from. Saturn is not some cosmic Santa Claus who comes around every thirty years and decides who’s been good and who’s been bad. I believe, if Saturn is testing anything, it’s our ability to respond.
What does it mean to answer a call? How can you tell when the psychic phone is ringing? What does it feel like to be called to something? How do you know how or when to respond?
What it takes to discern when you’re being called is a little bit of intuition, of course, but also the ability to navigate your internal storytelling. I feel strongly that there’s a narrative I have for my life and myself that continues to unfold in my inner mechanism. Is it possible to go back and edit the narrative? Of course, and we do often, with new knowledge and new experiences. To know when a calling is being brought to you is to pay attention to the themes & subplots of your internal narrative and recognize what is being offered to you. It requires a respect for subtlety, I believe, because it’s not always so obvious. Sometimes we have really big and obvious moments of being called, such as a new opportunity dropping into our laps or the tower moment of the ending of something--a relationship, a job, a season even. When winter turns into spring I almost always feel called towards something new or a resurfacing of an old joy. However, a calling is sometimes not that simple to hear and identify.
What subplots are unfolding in your life right now? Are there synchronicities or events occurring that feel related? I felt the call to take on consults and readings full-time because it became screamingly clear that jobs aren’t for me. I’ve always known that, but never saw a way out that didn’t require years of work on the front end. It was getting dire. Then I got pregnant and my body was on board with not doing this anymore, too. A healthy amount of pressure comes from being thrust into parenthood. The stability I wanted for myself is now something that is required for my child. My kid deserves it because I deserve it, too. So, there we have a relatively short time frame with which I must Do Something. This is a subplot I identified and a calling I could sense, so I answered it.
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Connecting with your inner storyteller requires a bit of romanticism. You’ve got to be able to make the mundane feel important, and to find the nudges & pokes that come from seemingly small events. You literally are the main character in your own life, and your inner storyteller knows that. This does not mean treating everyone else in your life as secondary characters with less meaning, either. Every person plays a part. Leaning into your inner story is what allows you to separate your life into chapters, to see the emerging themes, and to identify the moments of calling, whether they be whispered or shouted.
If you were making a television show based on your life, would that conversation you just had be a major scene in the episode or something that occurs in the background? Would that decision you made have been a plot point that the viewers watched you agonize over (and probably agonized over themselves), or would you have made the choice with no hesitation, requiring the audience to move forward with you? These are the ways you connect with your inner storyteller, to find the moments of calling.
Answering a call doesn’t always mean saying yes to it. It simply means you respond. In that response is where Saturn is working his influence and watching to see what you’ve learned. Not every calling will be something you say yes to. In fact, sometimes the learning comes to you in the moments where you recognize a call, answer it, and say “no thank you.” What matters is that you answered the call. Responsibility, if you want to be simplistic about it, is your ability to respond to things. Saturn wants to see that you’ve learned discernment! He wants to beam proudly at you while watching you mindfully prune and produce what is necessary for your best unfolding. The ‘test’ of the Saturn return is one that Saturn wants you to pass. He is not eager to punish, he does not take glee in negative consequences, but he also knows sometimes negative consequences are natural and wants us to learn from it all. The gifts of Saturn, his alchemical gold, are thoughtfulness and discernment. He bestows upon us the ability to respond, the maturity to take on what must be done, and the willpower to know when ‘no’ is the healthiest answer. There is no way to fail the lessons of Saturn, but you can pass them with flying colors. You don’t fail with him; he simply finds another way to deliver the same lesson to you in another form. His ultimate goal is your success and wellbeing, just as any good teacher’s goal should be. The trials of your Saturn return may not always feel kind or compassionate, but there is a great deal of self-trust to be built from responding to the call that your inner storyteller identifies as Saturn presents you with his gifts in disguise.
