Shame alchemy for… wanting more for yourself

Welcome to the Shame Alchemy for Entrepreneurs series!

This is a weekly series where I take anonymous submissions and speak to common shame triggers for folks growing their businesses within capitalism while actively resisting capitalist modes of being. Here, we hold space for nuance, get into the mess of business and survival, and talk about what ethical entrepreneurship really feels like.

I recently went independent as a hair artist in NYC. A lot of shame came up about leaving my old salon which was a good and safe and loving environment. Who did I think I was? I wondered if I was being a greedy, rugged individual wanting to amass and keep more of the money I charge and to even have full say over what I charge. Like maybe I’m a greedy capitalist. It’s interesting how our culture can create this tension in ourselves—both desiring more money and agency and while also feeling bad/guilt for wanting it. I think there’s a lot to unpack here.

That tension you’ve put your finger on is the crux of capitalist shame—you, through living in a capitalist society your entire life, recognized early on that money is a resource which makes the difference between life and death, and have developed and inherited beliefs around that to ensure you remain in line with what is expected of you. Over time, if you are fortunate to have the space to think about these things deeply, you will eventually come to question capitalist expectations and start asking yourself what you really want. It takes a lot of inner exploration and patience to piece apart which beliefs & values you’ve formed to survive capitalism, and which beliefs & values are actually true to you—especially when they often have the same names.